Interaction with Big Brother & Big Sister
It’s hard enough having one baby but if you decide you want a big family you’ll have to deal with the issue of introducing a baby to a big brother or big sister. This new addition can cause a range of emotions in both you and the older sibling from excitement to panic, fear and joy. When an older sibling is told about a new brother or sister coming to join him he may feel happy and proud or he may instantly start to resent this stranger coming to battle for attention. How you tell an older sibling in advance and how you prepare him for the arrival will go a long way in smoothing over the rough spots of introducing a new member to the family.
Some pediatrics and child psychologists suggest having an older brother or sister join you in the delivery room when the new baby is born. This is a good way for the child to bond as he is seeing his brother or sister for the first time and will appreciate the significance of the event. Before engaging in this activity make sure that your older child is old enough to handle the experience and also that he wants to. Ask him if he would like to be a part of it and respect his decision if he says no. If the delivery room is too intense having him in the hospital is also a good idea so he can see how excited everyone is and can begin to ask questions about what mommy is going through.
Letting an older child see the newborn baby right after delivery is a good idea as it will form a unique bond from the start. Seeing a baby has a profound effect on everyone and for an older brother or sister seeing this delicate, fragile life could change any apprehension he had before the birth.
Let the older sibling hold the newborn baby. Touch is a very powerful bonding experience and when he holds the infant in his arms the “newcomer” will suddenly become real to him and take on new significance.
Another way to include older siblings in the process is to ask them to join in the naming of the newborn. He’ll spout out some silly ideas but have fun with him and encourage him to ask questions about his little brother or sister as each inquiry into the addition to his family will make it less stressful for him to cope.
Always remind older siblings about the concept of your family and what it means to include everyone, from mommy and daddy to newborn babies. First children naturally feel a sense of entitlement and introducing newcomers will certainly cause some anxiety about place and attention. If you include everyone in the discussions and pre-natal care the more likely it is that the older sibling will feel that this is a family experience and not just about a new baby or himself. Expect some hesitation and even a little resentment at first but with a calm, patient approach to the family idea your older sibling will most likely get over his anxiety fears and welcome the little one with open arms and a new sense of responsibility.